Friday 29 May 2009

Susan Boyle Loses It

World famous Talent show contestant, Susan Boyle has killed a man, reportedly. Susan, 48 years old, announced earlier today that she was a large frying pan who liked eating koala bears.

It is believed that the woman has lost all sanity due to the media's constant attention, pressure from the television show and the general public doing what the public generally does. Her spokesperson said later after the event "It is truly sad that such an above average singer has been pushed like this. I believe this proves once again that the media are insensitive, money grubbing pricks and the general public are stupid band-wagon jumping, over-sensitive, stupid pricks. Please vote for Susan in the finals."

Despite having gone nutty, she will still be performing for us, albeit pointlessly, since votes have been coming in before the actual broadcast, ITV reports.

Due to the pressure, support has been pouring in for her all over the world. Notably, Piers Morgan said on his blog that the reason Susan has lost the plot is because she does not know how to cope with the pressure. Morgan claims that he there are ways in which to cope criticism and that "I have been called all that and worse in my career".

This comes as a great shock to BYE! - the fact that such a lovable icon in British culture and former editor for 'The Daily Mirror' (which has, coincidentally, kept us all up to date with Boyle's personal life) could ever have been criticised in any way.



in other news...




















Kiefer Sutherland's sex tape gets leaked to the internet.

















Davina feasts upon the soul of another Big Brother viewer.

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