Beaullox Horoscopes - June

Ah, welcome children, my name is Madame Beaullox. I have had many years of experience as a psychic and astrologer. I have been asked to write a monthly horoscope, exclusively for BYE!. So, come and read what the future holds for you, I've won the BYE! Award for Best Psychic and Astrologer for 2 months in a row now so you know I'm good.

Aries: March 20 - April 20 – You'll be tempted to try a new shampoo this month. DON'T! In fact, if you go without washing your hair you'll catch the attention of many ladies.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21 – You'll be asked to leave any china shop you enter this month.

Gemini: May 22 - June 21 – What a great time it has been recently for you! Birthday, holiday, romance, not to mention that beard you always wanted starts to grow a treat.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 – Your excitement about the upcoming series of Big Brother causes your friends to worry about you. Luckily for you those friends aren't real.

Leo: July 23 - August 23 – Your astounding sexiness will make people feel jealous and horny in equal measure.

Virgo: August 24 - September 23 – You remember you left your bus pass on a bus.

Libra: September 24 - October 23 –You'll get stung by a wasp. Good. You deserve it for being such a prick to Charlene last week at the pub. Don't remember? Not surprised you no good alco.

Scorpio: October 24 - November 22 – Your twisted twin obsessions are your plot to rule the world and your employees health.

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 21 – That bee you trained will do it's job perfectly. You'll then get upset and mourn the bee passing.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 19 – Don't you feel better now you lost all that weight? Celebrate with a giant cake.

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18 – You'll get keyboard cat's tune stuck in your head to such an extent you'll consider suicide. I suggest you go through with it.

Pisces: February 19 - March 19 – Kill yourself.